Sunday, 23 October 2016

Dear Amanda

Dear Amanda,
Yes I am a numpty, I don't know what marking up a GIF file for a downloadable email is. I am sorry but I live in the sticks 'Up North', we don't have super-fast broadband, we hardly get broadband at all even in Mrs May's Brexit Britain. The mobile phone signal isn't that great either, it dips out unless I sit on the roof with the pigeons. There is electricity of course, but it comes in overhead by wire from a rickety pole covered with Ivy, so that when its windy the lights flicker and quite often the power cuts out and trips the kiln, cooker and broadband booster for the Wi-fi. Western Power have sent several men to look at it and scratch their heads and they have all gone away to get a more clever person to advise them what to do,  or maybe it's something to do with returning a dividend to the shareholders
We do have running water though and the 'Poo man' stopped coming to empty the dry toilet a few years ago. I am a Potter, I can make a decent pot, make glazes, design and build kilns, although I do  still fire with wood, but that's by choice not because we are still living under Roman rule.
I do all my own advertising, marketing and website, take photographs and have been known to write for International Ceramics magazines occasionally. I somehow manage to find my way to destinations all over Europe using only a thing called a map. Yes I can use a compass and I know which way North is.
I make things in clay, wood and metal, can weld, lay bricks and mend the electrics and plumbing when required. So reflect for a moment or two over your iced mocha-chino with Soya milk and quinoa muffin and please send your messages in plain English (or French if you prefer). My computing knowledge is not up to NASA standards...  ... yet.

Yours faithfully,


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